If you are in a not so happy relationship, are single, or in the midst of a break up, Valentines Day anxiety is a very real thing. It’s one thing when you are happy and playing for the smug side, but as someone who is not feeling too at one with the world, this holiday on steroids can be fraught.

Valentines Day doesn’t have to be just about couples. How about treating yourself well? Tomorrow is Singles’ Day but it’s not like you have to hibernate until it’s your time. Follow this advice, and feel good about yourself when you may just need it the most.

A bit of self indulgence

The following might seem like they are confidence fakers rather than boosters and elements of indulgence. However, if you have lost yourself somewhere along the way, these tips will help with real confidence more than you might think.  Let’s get going on the path to lasting confidence with some self-indulgence.

It’s Valentine’s Day, so dig out your F-Me shoes.


FMSThese are mine. Not only do they make me 5 foot 3 in actual height, they make me feel ten feet tall, even when I’m not feeling at my best. This is real self-indulgence and it’s what, in NLP terms, we would call an anchor. This means I can conjure up a specific feeling when I wear these shoes. When I wear my FMS I am confident, and I feel great. It’s not really the shoes that do it; it’s me. I’ve learned to attach a feeling to something pretty, and it boosts my confidence. ©Sugarbox Ltd 2013

We all need our F-Me shoes. Never underestimate their power…or yours; and you know you can’t hide away from every uncomfortable event, so put them on and party like it’s 1999, or something…

Anchor yourself!

Anchoring is a great technique for making yourself feel better. It’s getting you into a state where you are more resourceful; so, making yourself feel confident, happy, calm, whatever you choose.

Creating an anchor for Valentine’s Day confidence is really straightforward. It does require you to get into a happy state; if this is something you find difficult because you need the confidence to do it….vicious circle, isn’t it…then recall something that made you happy. Really experience this happy feeling. Remember what it looked like, sounded like, felt like. Remember the sound of your laughter, how you felt you could burst because you were smiling so much; however it felt to you. At the highest point of this feeling, where you’re absolutely feeling the best, you’re going to create an anchor.

Make a fist, and as you do so, lightly dig your fingernails into your palm. Don’t hurt yourself! Just tighten your fist enough so that you have the sensation of your nails lightly digging into your palm. Loosen your fingers then repeat this a few times while you feel this state.

Now break this state by getting up and moving around; and then return to the happy feeling, and at its height once more, make the fist and dig your nails into your palm again. You’ve now created that state…..and then do so as you slip your feet into your gorgeous shoes. Feel ten feet tall, feel happy, and you will exude confidence and sheer awesomeness.

Pamper Yourself

Pampering is an absolute no brainer when it comes to making yourself feel great; and you can team this up with the anchor you learned earlier. If you are not used to pampering, then take the time out to do it right. I’m not even going to suggest how you do it; I spent too many years being told how I should do the things I wanted to do, and it takes the fun out. Just find something that means you’ll feel cared for by you.

Get glammed up

pyjamasEven if you’re just nipping to the shops. OK sisters…here’s the deal. I’ve noticed the trend for going out in pyjamas, or onesies. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOING-OUT PYJAMAS!!!

Seriously, if you want to feel confidence at this time of year, this is not going to do it.

Even anchoring a happy state to Winnie the Pooh pyjamas is going to fizzle out when you realise that you’ve sunk to this new low. Getting glammed up can mean going all out, or just putting on mascara before you go out. But wear something you can feel good about. ALL THE TIME!

Wear a bright colour. It’s Valentine’s Day. What other excuse do you need? My hair alternates between purple and pink. Sometimes both together. Bright colours can be armour, or camouflage, or to draw attention. Whichever of these ideas you choose, wear it with conviction and you will give off an air of how hot you are.

Confidence is so attractive. If you need it, as an extra boost, check out someone who has a real “don’t mess with me” stride, and copy it. Just make sure they don’t see you and think you’re making fun of them! But a bouncy walk or purposeful stride makes you feel cheerful and confident. It’s impossible to sink into yourself when you walk like that. Give it a try. It’s an instant confidence boost.

Celebrate Yourself!

You, my fine friend, are worth celebrating. And it’s Valentine’s Day. So, whether you are currently alone or not is not the point. You deserve to take the time out for yourself and you deserve to feel good about it. Your worth is not bound up in your singleton status. Confidence gets a massive boost when we allow ourselves to feel good and celebrate ourselves, and when we do that, other people want to be around us. They want some of what we’ve got. See how it works? So, here’s a question for you. What’s great about you? Quickly, list ten things, starting…..NOW!

As a pick me up and instant confidence booster, this is brilliant. If you can think of more than ten, just keep going. Include anything that gives you a warm glow. This isn’t showing off, we’re not at school; no one is going to think you’re big headed. Here’s the thing; self-validation matters. It matters even more if you’re out of a bad relationship, especially if validation from your ex wasn’t forthcoming anyway. This is one of the things that give you strength, that you can draw upon and that, in future relationships, stops you merrily tripping your way down the road of “I’m just not good enough.” Self-validation. It’s a wonderful thing.

If you are struggling with anxiety and a lack of confidence, contact me. It’s your time. You can see me in Leeds, or over Skype, geography doesn’t matter. Feeling better does.